I Hate Fireworks

     Looking at the ground I could see my shadow, outlined by brightness on the grass at night.  It was July 4^th, 2017, and it was the last time I participated in the “popping” of fireworks.  I had never had an issue exercising my “popping” skills in the years prior, as fireworks were a staple of all our holiday family get-togethers.  Many holidays we spent gathered around a fire, the adults drinking beer, and waiting until darkness fell so we could enjoy the show.  But this time, this time is was different.  Seeing my shadow had taken me back to my training and back to Iraq. 

            You see, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.  I wasn’t the Special Forces guy like my buddy Dave.  Now don’t get me wrong, I loved me some PT, but I was a POG – a person other than a grunt.  I was the IT guy, the one that fixed your computers, phones, and printers.  So why the HELL am I here talking to you about PTSD?!  Well, PTSD doesn’t differentiate.  This is something that came to me, took over my life, and has consumed me.  I would love to “give it back,” or make this go away somehow, but this is life and we’re dealing with it.  So it doesn’t matter that you weren’t the infantry guy – God Love them – or the artillery guy, it can happen to you.

            But here I stand, looking at the ground and having an episode onset over fireworks.  Fucking fireworks.  So I figured I would tell you what me and my wife figured works the best for us since then.  If it’s working for me, it might work for some of you guys out there.  So here goes: we pile into the living room and all sleep together, watch movies, pop popcorn, play some card games, listen to music, and we do not pop any fireworks.  For some reason, this just makes me feel safer, less alert, and not paying attention to all the popping noise going on outside which causes me to stay awake in “alert” mode.

            Well, Friends, this is life and I hope that my writing is helping some of you out there to understand you are not alone and this shit is real.  So you need to get real with PTSD, or it will win.  Happy New Year, be safe, and make some good decisions!